First of many...

I had my first OB appointment this afternoon. My due date is September 9th - Mom and Dad's wedding anniversary! Tomorrow I will call and make an appointment with Dr. Sweeney - my high risk OB - for my first of many ultra-sounds. One nice thing about being high risk is that you get to have several HD ultra-sounds. I saw Sweeney throughout my pregnancy with Pacey. During one visit, he had a picture of Pacey's foot on the screen, there was a black spot on it, he - very seriously - said, "you see that black spot..." Eric and I froze, oh my God, what did it mean! "that means she will go to UNC and be a tar heel."

My general OB, Dr. Buckson is funny. Every time I reminded her of one of my high risk factors her shoulders dropped and she shook her head. She confessed that trying to figure out my insulin pump - when I was pregnant with Pacey - nearly drove her to drink! Regardless, I have a lot of faith in her. Her sense of humor relaxes me. I told her that my blood type was O-negative but no worries because Eric was O-negative too - her reply was, "Yea, well is he the baby daddy?" Hilarious! I told her that only she would say something like that and reminded her of the time she offered Eric a fortune cookie during a pre-natal check up for Pacey because she was starving and looking for something to eat.

I feel good about everything but will feel much better after the first ultra-sound. They call it a "viability" ultra-sound. I don't really like the sound of it but it will show the doctor's if the fetus is well, viable. Check the heart function and other systems that have already developed. It is amazing what they know about fetal development. This week, my baby will double in size from a pea to a bean... that must be why my pants felt tight today! ;-0

Maternity Clothes...

I certainly don't need them yet but man, do they excite me... Being a plus size mama, it is hard to find cute trendy clothes - especially maternity clothes but Lane Bryant now offers them and they are cute... AND EXPENSIVE!!! Oh well, that did not stop me from just ordering a cute capri and hoodie set :)

I know its too early to think about maternity clothes, but I can't help it...With Pacey I needed maternity clothes at 10 weeks and I have heard that with second pregnancies you show sooner... we'll see.

Start Spreading the News...

I would love to rush out and tell everyone I know that I am pregnant but it just isn't that easy for me. With my "high risk" status, I feel it best to keep things quiet a little longer. I have told my parents and some co-workers on a need-to-know basis. They are all very happy for me but I don't think they all realize how important it is to me that my news be kept a secret. Apparently, rumors are already flying around work. I just wish that people would respect my health and history and keep me out of the office gossip.

A Brief History...

I found out last Tuesday that Eric and I are expecting our second child. We are excited, nervous, scared...

We were blessed with a daughter in 2004, who - due to pregnancy complications - came into our world 5 1/2 weeks early. Pacey had minor complications of her own, but was healthy and has grown into the sassy little girl who is asleep upstairs. I am diabetic- have been since age 16. When I was diagnosed I kept picturing that awful scene in "Steel Magnolias" where Julia Roberts blood sugar drops and she messes up her hair that Dolly Parton had worked so hard to perfect for her wedding day... anyway, Julia Roberts plays a diabetic who gets pregnant against her doctors advice and ends up dying of kidney failure...yikes... that is a lot of anyone to handle but even at 16, I was concerned about whether or not I would be able to have children...

Due to our complications with Pacey, Eric and I were reluctant to have anymore children. I was never told that we couldn't, I just always felt that we were so blessed with Pacey, when so much could have gone wrong, that why should we even risk it... but we both wanted another child. Neither of us had ever pictured our lives with just one child but we couldn't get past the fear of what could have gone wrong. Don't get me wrong, we didn't dwell on it, we celebrated Pacey and loved every minute of being a family of 3 for nearly 4 years.

Almost 2 years ago, I found out that friends of ours were expecting their second child. Their first had been born 6 days after Pacey. We had planned our pregnancies together and knew that our little girls would grow up together. News of their conception made me realize that they were growing as a family but we weren't. Up till that point I had been fine with only having one child, I had told people (you know the ones that ask you everytime they see you "So, when are you going to have another child?" or "Pacey really needs a baby sister or brother!" or "You don't want her to be an only child, do you?") that sometimes you just need to count your blessings and be greatful for what you do have, a wonderful, perfectly healthy baby girl. But the truth was, that I did want another baby, I did want Pacey to know the joys and pains of having a sibling, I did not want her to be an only child... that night I did an internet search for Pre-Eclampsia or PE... that was the complication that led to my emergencey C-section with Pacey. I could not believe the horror stories of mothers who lost their babies to PE and the fathers that had lost their wives... I was devestated, heart broken, and blessed all at the same time.